Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
