I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
