yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
