If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
