Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize