Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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