She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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