How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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