i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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