Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
