Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
