i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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