and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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