I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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