Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
