if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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