My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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