Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
