NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
