It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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