he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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