i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
