i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
