So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
