Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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