I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
