He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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