its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
