porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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