I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
