Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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