Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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