for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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