and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
