it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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