I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
