lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I could fuck to npr.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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