I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
