I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
