Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.

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(208): Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible. http://tfl.nu/1gp8

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(310): View more from California

...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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(310): ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have. http://tfl.nu/9vj6

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(425): View more from Washington

My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

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(425): My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed http://tfl.nu/4mh9

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(815): View more from Illinois

you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes

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(815): you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/koyr

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

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(304): Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life. http://tfl.nu/t3n8

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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(505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u

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(561): View more from Florida

definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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(561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si

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(702): View more from Nevada

she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

(702): View more from Nevada

now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

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(702): she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave. (702): now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like" http://tfl.nu/f7jt

Replies (17) Good night (8133) Bad night (1013)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....

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(773): I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician.... http://tfl.nu/qln8

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.

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(+44): You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point. http://tfl.nu/tew1

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(205): View more from Alabama

In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.

(205): View more from Alabama

But happy liver failure. That's what counts.

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(205): In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure. (205): But happy liver failure. That's what counts. http://tfl.nu/m2wy

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(719): View more from Colorado

Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion

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(719): Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion http://tfl.nu/mw29

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(205): View more from Alabama

Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.

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(205): Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420. http://tfl.nu/zl7d

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(916): View more from California

Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".

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(916): Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles". http://tfl.nu/t7tu

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus

(908): View more from New Jersey

Yeah but the people love.

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(781): Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus (908): Yeah but the people love. http://tfl.nu/k9ua

Replies (2) Good night (820) Bad night (216)

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