DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dating After Heartbreak
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.