before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.