it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night