Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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