Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
