I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
