i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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