My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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