I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Randomize
