if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
