dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
