question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize