Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
