Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
