You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
