people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
