I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
