Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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