I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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