Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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