i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
