This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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