If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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