I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
