i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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